Capt. Benjamin Keating
My high school graduation at Edward Little Highschool, 2002
My older cousins, Jess and Ben Keating
War and the military are complicated topics for me. On the one hand, I was raised in the Quaker background that war is never the answer. My grandfather’s letters speak of visiting relatives in jail who had refused to serve in war. He did have brothers who were part of the military but I was just always told that war did not solve conflicts.
On the other hand, I probably would have probably signed up for the Army so that they would have paid for my schooling as a nurse. It seemed perfect that I would not have to worry about paying for school (my grandparents helped with whatever student loans didn’t cover, but I had to take out a lot of loans) and I could serve my country caring for those sick and wounded in different parts of the world. I always was interested in International nursing and thought I would do Doctors Without Borders or some type of missionary work. So it seemed being in the military could meet a lot of those desires.
The problem is that at the time, the military had the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” rule of homosexuality. I had struggled so hard at accepting myself and loving myself, that I was not willing to go back into the closet. We had recruiters show up to my undergraduate nursing classes all the time. I was the lone gay student in my graduating class of nurses and I once raised my hand during a presentation and asked them if I could be out and be in the military. They sheepishly pivoted the conversation and did not actually say what I knew to be true at the time.
My cousin, Ben Keating, was attending University of New Hampshire, the same undergraduate school I was in at the same time as Tiffany and me. He was a member of the ROTC and Young Republicans club. He was several years older but only about a year or two ahead of us in school. He would make a date with me every week to have lunch in our dining hall. I always wondered if his parents forced him to do this because it was always super awkward. Here I was, his young, lesbian, super liberal cousin. We had very little in common. I would drag Tiffany to the lunches a lot of the time as a buffer to our awkward silences. We would try to find common ground.
He went on to join the Army and died in Afghanistan on November 26th, 2006. I think if he hadn’t died, he would have become a really amazing politician. Although I didn’t agree with all of his views, he loved his country fiercely and was incredibly loyal and honest.
I recently called his sister, my cousin Jess because I was remembering these lunches and I asked her if she thought her parents had made him meet with me. She said no, she doubted her parents had told him to do that. Actually, they found out after he died he had a secret pen pal relationship with a different cousin. He just felt really strongly about being the older cousin. He was just so special. He was another person who represented true Christianity and tolerance of Tiffany and me. We definitely had our own don’t ask, don’t tell kind of agreement when it came to my relationship with Tiffany. I think that because both his parents were Baptist ministers and he was so conservative, he must have struggled with accepting us. However, he never made me feel unloved or judged.
He actually has become famous after his death. Jack Tapper wrote a book, The Outpost about the place Ben was stationed in Afghanistan. After he died there, they named the outpost after him. The book has become a movie and Orlando Bloom plays my cousin Ben! If I were to ever date men, I would date Orlando Bloom! Nikki knows my love of him and accepts it.
I had a patient yesterday tell me that they show the movie during basic training at a lot of military bases in the United States. I was chatting with her and she happened to tell me she was in the Army. I told her that I always had a special place in my heart for the Army because my cousin, Ben was a member.
My patient said, “I know your cousin. Everyone is required to watch that movie during their basic training.”
“What? You mean every Army base plays that movie?” I asked.
“I know of at least three bases that show it during basic training to show what war is really like, “ she responded.
I stopped the procedure I was doing and looked at her in shock, the hair on my arms raised. It meant so much to know that his memory lives on and that he will not be forgotten. He was such a special cousin to me. His mom is my mom’s older sister and we spent every Christmas at their farmhouse in Sanford, Maine.
https://thesummitproject.org/army-1st-lt-benjamin-d-keating/
