I have another post I am working on about being a part of two different secret societies, but I thought I would do a quick update for y’all with the information I know you are really here for- a gram update! 

My twin, Jake and I tried to visit her last week but when we arrived she was in what we lovingly refer to as her “hibernation state” or Jake’s favorite, “low-power-mode”. If you are a long-time reader, you’ll remember I have been called by staff from my Gram’s nursing home, in panic, because she is “unresponsive”. She is actually in a deep sleep. She does respond to pain, but in a very cantankerous way. She does not enjoy being “bothered” when she is in this state. So Jake and I sat in the living room with her and the other residents and chatted with one of the new residents who was not happy to have to be there.

 I love talking to older people (I have learned they don’t like to be called old people, so I am trying to refer to them in a different way).  I love hearing stories of their lives. I think it is because of my Granddad’s love of genealogy- he was always talking about history and the past and who is related to whom. I found it funny as a kid when he would talk about a second cousin once removed. Honestly, it felt like everyone in rural NC was kin to me in some way. Now, I appreciate it so much. I actually found out, when he was living, that one of my professors at Duke was distantly related to me. I recognized her maiden name and had my grandfather do our family trees and I still have it.  I definitely scored some brown-nosing points when I showed up with that! I come by my nerdiness honestly with my Granddad as a librarian at Elon college and a Grandmother who collected degrees like others collect purses or shoes (she collected those too).

Anyways, it wasn’t the best visit, which is why I did not update y’all last week. It felt disrespectful to post a picture of her sleeping. Thus, I returned this week to find her fussing at the nurses. They were temporary staff so they didn’t know she was deaf but not confused and were trying to get her off the couch and to her room for therapy. After I explained what the nurses wanted on her white board, Gram acquiesced nicely. She always seems to listen to me. She certainly has never been an easy patient. I understand why. She hates she has to give up any of her autonomy. She used to visit people in that unit, helping them eat and now she is there, needing assistance. She hates it and I hate that she hates it. Yet, this is the circle of life, as I like to remind her. She took care of others so now it is her turn to be taken care of. It is a good lesson for us all.

She and I had our typical spa day of soaked feet, nails trimmed and lotion applied. I also got her dressed since she was still in her nightgown. She finally looked like my Gram again and she smiled gently at me. She has gotten so sweet as she has gotten older. I am so grateful for the time I have had with her since my Grandad died in 2010. He was always the easy one to love and she was harder. I feel badly for her now because he was the favorite of everyone. He was such an amazing person. Now that I had time to get to know her, I now realize how amazing she is as well. 

I got her back to the living room and got her settled in for some tv time. She always loved her “stories” (soap operas) when I was growing up, and even though she cannot hear, she says she still enjoys looking at the tv. It has been so nice being back in NC, close to her. It was so hard being away in South Sudan.

Next I went to visit my Aunt Sarah, my Gram’s daughter, my dad’s sister. I don’t write about her here because she is very private and hates having her picture taken. One of my favorite pictures of hers is a family photo at one of Gram’s birthday parties and her head is floating beside the balloons as she attempts to hide behind them. It reminds me of the website, Awkward Family Photos. Fellow nurses and I would gather around a computer at 2 am when all was quiet, all the meds had been given and we had a couple hours before early rounds and we would scroll through the photos posted on the website. I laughed so much during those nights, seeing my own family through the lens of that website.

I digress. My Aunt used to garden a lot with my Granddad and so she got a lot of his knowledge. She was so upset when she killed his aloe plant after he died, which he had kept in a white planter for years. She cleaned it out and gave it to me, not wanting to even see the evidence of her failure. Well, I bought some beautiful orchids and re-potted them in that same planter and presented it to her as a gift. We had an Aunt/niece afternoon and ran some errands, went shopping and then had dinner. It was a lovely day!