The Update of All Updates
Well, I have been radio silent on this thing for too many months. I actually just got an email today reminding me that it has almost been a year since I started this thing (square space wanted my annual fee). I am so proud of how hard I worked for the first few months on the blog while I was writing my “book” and still keeping up with my day job. And then life happened...I came to this weird crossroads and had to make the decision to completely change my job and where I would be potentially living and I had come to a stopping point in the manuscript writing and so I was paralyzed to update. I’m admitting that I’m human and make no promises for tomorrow, but today, I am updating y’all!
First, my book: I have written the bulk of what I wanted to of The Perkins Letters and am letting life experience lead to more chapters. I did submit my manuscript to a potential publisher but it was so nicely declined (a girl can dream). Everything is all very rough but I have this inner feeling that the story isn’t done in real life yet (IRL for my nieces and nephews), so I can’t conclude what I’m doing. What this looks like in reality is that I write when I am inspired to do so and don’t beat myself up if I do not write a thing. I was forcing myself to at least write a page a day and it was a great practice, but for now, I don’t want to force the story.
Second, my career: In July I signed a 12 month contract to work as a manager for nurses, health promotion workers and community health workers in a section of Myanmar (the Rakhine district if you want to get geographically nerdy about it) through Doctors Without Borders (MSF). As soon as I signed the contract I was told that it could take up to three months to get my visa. My heart dropped. The whole process of interviewing had been a whirlwind starting in March of 2021- *I want to remind the reader of the story of why I even applied when I was very content in my then position as float clinician in NC and SC for Planned Parenthood*.
* In March 2021, I was completing a physical on a woman who needed a form signed for MSF and I offhandedly told her I had applied three years prior to that same organization because it had always been my dream to do International Nursing. MSF turned me down at the time because I didn’t speak French. The patient said “You should apply again. I speak French but they are sending me to an English speaking mission and I think they are opening things up.” I responded noncommittally that maybe I would and continued through her exam. The very next day I received an email from MSF reminding me that I had applied three years prior and then asked me to reapply. I’ve stopped questioning experiences like this and went with it and applied. That led me to my fateful midlife crisis!
I had originally been chosen for a “cush” 6-month-first mission to Malawi in June to work on a cervical cancer project and they expedited my interview process and onboarding so I would be available for that. Last minute the project decided they wanted a physician for this role (don’t even get me started), and then my name went into the pool for other missions. I was lucky that I got matched to two possible jobs, but unfortunately I only felt qualified for the mission that had the asterisk that the applicant “must be physically fit to ride a bike and to wade through choppy waters since some of the satellite clinics could only be reached by motorboat but sometimes the water was too choppy to get us to shore and the mode of transportation through the village was on bicycle”. It was also for 12 months and not 6 which meant I would no longer be home by Christmas but would miss all those festivities and any other holiday or anniversary that would be celebrated during that time. It was a daunting decision and I certainly questioned this “sign” from the universe more than once.
If anyone is doing the math, I am past the “up to three months” that was threatened at the beginning of the what I now so affectionately call #jenwaitingonhervisa extravaganza. I have to be honest, August was a dark time because I had stopped working full time with Planned Parenthood and hadn’t started any work from MSF. The light of hope came on for September when I spent two weeks being briefed on my mission from all those “in the trenches” already in Myanmar in the middle of the night eastern standard time so I could be available during working hours for Myanmar time (11.5 hours ahead). Things turned a bit dark again when October rolled around and there was not even a whiff of a visa and the rumor that because of the military coup and Covid, visas may not be processed until 2022. Luckily at this point I was filling in again at PP and was participating (albeit remotely) with some management duties through MSF, so I wasn’t completely without purpose. I have to admit, however, that the thought of my “vampire hours” (as I like to call them) continuing for several more months without being IRL with the folx I am supposed to be managing seemed like cruel and unusual punishment for this girl who needs to be of service! Alas, here I sit, currently typing this at 3:30 am, awaiting my next meeting scheduled at 5am. This has been a lesson in truly living one day at a time and I really do take it day by day with my bag half packed, waiting with baited breath for my travel manifesto to magically appear in my inbox.
I want to say I am not being completely idle in this waiting period. This time has given me more preparation for leaving my wife and life for such a long period for the first time ever. I hope this will not be my first mission as I have been promised that most are not like my current predicament, and there’s a lot to prepare for leaving your life for months on end. Nikki sweetly said she never knew how much I silently did around the house that she had no idea about. I have done all my Christmas shopping because if you know me, you know my favorite season is THE season, so my consolation of missing it with family was to have gifts already wrapped and prepared so I could be with them in spirit. One of the hardest preparations has been preparing Grammy for me leaving. At first she was proud and told me stoically that she supported my decision (Gram was always active in her Quaker faith which included being of service whenever one could do so). But as the days of #jenwaitingonhervisa passed, Grammy had more time to perseverate on the whole matter and decided that it just wasn’t safe enough to go. She had her nurse print out the wikipedia page of Myanmar and she studied it seriously, having her arguments ready for my next visit. She declared “Well, I just don’t think it is a good idea for you to go to Malaysia or Africa or wherever you’re going, because they don’t even speak English!” I told her that the people I was managing knew English as their second language. She refused to believe me and really couldn’t understand how I had already started managing them from thousands of miles away (she thinks the computer is Satan’s instrument, I mean she’s not totally wrong and I give her a break since she was born in 1914 when automobiles were a novelty). So I am now left to volley her arguments every time I visit and tell her once again, I have no idea when I will leave, but yet still trying to prepare her for less frequent visits. She was the one thing that almost stopped me from taking this job. But that old lady doesn’t seem to be dying anytime soon and I can’t keep putting my life on hold. I have to trust she has sons and daughter and other family members that will take the torch from me when I am away. She is well loved. I’ve just been her “angel” as she calls me since 2011 when I promised my grandad on his deathbed that I would look after her for him. At least twice a month I make the drive to sit with her and give her the “spa treatment” ritual that I do for her each visit. She is one I am going to miss very much.
I want to say I am not being completely idle in this waiting period. This time has given me more preparation for leaving my wife and life for such a long period for the first time ever. I hope this will not be my first mission as I have been promised that most are not like my current predicament, and there’s a lot to prepare for leaving your life for months on end. Nikki sweetly said she never knew how much I silently did around the house that she had no idea about. I have done all my Christmas shopping because if you know me, you know my favorite season is THE season, so my consolation of missing it with family was to have gifts already wrapped and prepared so I could be with them in spirit. One of the hardest preparations has been preparing Grammy for me leaving. At first she was proud and told me stoically that she supported my decision (Gram was always active in her Quaker faith which included being of service whenever one could do so). But as the days of #jenwaitingonhervisa passed, Grammy had more time to perseverate on the whole matter and decided that it just wasn’t safe enough to go. She had her nurse print out the wikipedia page of Myanmar and she studied it seriously, having her arguments ready for my next visit. She declared “Well, I just don’t think it is a good idea for you to go to Malaysia or Africa or wherever you’re going, because they don’t even speak English!” I told her that the people I was managing knew English as their second language. She refused to believe me and really couldn’t understand how I had already started managing them from thousands of miles away (she thinks the computer is Satan’s instrument, I mean she’s not totally wrong and I give her a break since she was born in 1914 when automobiles were a novelty). So I am now left to volley her arguments every time I visit and tell her once again, I have no idea when I will leave, but yet still trying to prepare her for less frequent visits. She was the one thing that almost stopped me from taking this job. But that old lady doesn’t seem to be dying anytime soon and I can’t keep putting my life on hold. I have to trust she has sons and daughter and other family members that will take the torch from me when I am away. She is well loved. I’ve just been her “angel” as she calls me since 2011 when I promised my grandad on his deathbed that I would look after her for him. She is one I am going to miss very much (as well as my two girls at home, Nikki and Nina).
Ok, dear reader, if you are still with me, I am impressed. I have been chattering on and on. It has just been too long since I have shared my life with you. There’s way more going on but you get the drift. Everyday I didn’t write, I thought I was waiting for the day when I could update with the good news of my departure date, but I have given up that hope for something else- the mundane of life on life’s terms. And today I am grateful for it!