Marital Fights
Dearest, April, 21, 1947 6:00AM
We arrived here in Princeton 10 miles north of Bluefield, W. VA, about 9 o’clock last night without difficulty. I had a good night’s rest but have missed you a great deal. I have been thinking of you all of the time. -We are now waiting for breakfast in an eating place which does not seem to be so only. Only Ariel? Came with us. I suppose that the others found some other way. Hope you get a lot of sleep and rest while I am away. We will certainly be glad when school is out next month. I shall expect you to come with me next time. We hope to arrive in Richmond before night.
Love, Ted
Darling, Tuesday Noon
Ruth Day gave me your package and I have read the letters which I am returning. Mary Edith Hinshaw cannot go to the workshop so I am calling it off- or that is I am making no announcement about it here this afternoon.
I think that it will be best for us to send all the things to your house, except perhaps the books. Perhaps we can find some place where we can leave them. We will make definite plans when I return on Friday.
My class will be over on Thursday night but I am not sure that I can leave before Friday morning. But I will find you as soon as I arrive.
Bascon? Is showing Seeds of Destiny so I am taking time to write. I have hardly seen anyone.
It will take two days to get a letter from me to you so you may not hear from me before I arrive.
It would help a great deal if you were here for we need each other. I love you so.
The reservations must be coming rapidly now. That is fine and makes me feel better. Seth says not to let Lloyd Garwers? go as he has gotten a court record this year and things might not be safe if he is there.
I can’t think much to write- Be patient about the place to live- A way will be provided- We have a few months yet before we need a place and a lot of things can happen in that length of time.
I love you dearly,
Love,
Ted
Dearest Darling, May 12th, 1947, 2:30 PM
Your letters came about noon today. I am sorry that Frida Hadley is not planning to go to camp to do the job we requested of her, but perhaps it is the best for her not to do it. I have asked Leah but as far as I can tell she doesn’t seem interested, but I’ll try to get a definite answer before tomorrow. She did support Mary Edith Hinshaw and I’ll ask her if Leah can’t go. I should know definitely before the time for the minister’s meeting tomorrow. If neither of these two can do the job, the only thing I see to do is to call off the whole thing. After all it is not the responsibility of Young Friends to conduct such a workshop. It is the work of the Christian Education Committee. You and I will need all the rest we can get at camp anyways so perhaps it is working out in the best possible way after all. I think that we should go head and order our material and start studying it. Flat [?] that Ruth Day suggested suits me and I think that we should order enough now to take care of the teacher for the four first schools. They will have appointments of 50-60 pupils in each one I think. Could you go ahead and order them now? If we don’t need them we can return them I think. I believe that we should forget all about the workshop unless Leah or Mary Edith can do the job.
This morning I drove Leah’s car and took Mr. Harmond around wherever he wanted to go. First, we went to mill and got some corn ground into meal. Then we went to look over his farms and to bring some dry corn up for the chickens. He really enjoyed the ride. Then he and I went over to the school cafeteria for lunch. Hope Hubbard is one of the cooks. They had a very good meal. After that, both of us took a nap. He is still sleeping. I was almost too tired to sleep, especially because your letter was disturbing. But I have come to the conclusion that our taking on a VBS workshop was too much extra responsibility.
I am sorry that we have not talked together more about the possibility of our going to Africa. Perhaps I have thought of myself so much in that regard that I have not given you a fair showing. I really can’t say why or what made me realize that it is not the right thing for us to go- I wish I did- but I am certain. I did not think so much about the money part until afterwards. You have been so sweet and patient and willing all along that there could be nothing which you have said or written which would have made me decide against going. The experience will be one which will make me love you even more and shall always remember that you are willing to do what I feel that the Lord wants us to do. It was really a religious experience when I realized that we should not go. I love you for being so patient with me. Perhaps there are even greater and better plans for us. It is a disappointment but I think that is the right thing. I hope that we are closer together because of the experience and I believe that we are. I am really sorry that we couldn’t have talked the matter over more ourselves. Forgive me, honey- Letters are so inadequate.
Tomorrow I will go to Asheboro to meet Seth on Leah’s car. I hope the meetings won’t be very long tomorrow- but will not get to go to another in several months.
I miss you so much and wish that you were here. I always feel so happy when you are near.
Love to you always,
Ted
I must write home.
Hi my readers,
I’m sharing my grandparents’ letters first in today’s blog because I wanted them to speak for themselves before I gave my annotations. These were all in the same envelope so I let them be shared all at the same time, as my Grandmother must have read them.
They seemed juicy to me- is it just me or did they just have their first marital fight via letter? I don’t have my Gram’s letter but knowing her as I do and the way he was apologizing to her, it appears she wanted to go on a trip to Africa (and let me tell you, they eventually travel the world together during their 60+ years of marriage), but he decided not to. It seems like she thought it was just about the money, but my sweet Grandfather made the decision the Quaker way in which he meditated with the idea and felt the Holy Spirit tell him no. Now, at that time, my Grandmother is new to the Quaker religion, so I’m wondering if she was feeling like that was some kind of hogwash and he was just making excuses.
I will let you all in a few things that I know about their marriage- my grandmother and grandfather were true feminists and believed men and women were equal. Also, my grandfather did everything he could to make my Gram during their marriage. So I am sure this “spat” troubled him sooo much! I mean, he could hardly take a nap, and that man loooooved his naps all the way up to his death. He took an afternoon siesta everyday that I remember during my childhood. So let’s all agree they had a fight and he writes “letters are so inadequate”. If he thought letters were bad for communication, let me tell you, my wife and I have had several major misunderstandings via text and email. Even sitting next to each other sometimes I feel like we are having two entirely different conversations with one another! Communication is tough in a marriage! Especially when you have two equal members in that union and you value and love each other’s goals and aspirations so much that you want to help make those possible but also have, you know, practical stuff like money, time and kids (4-legged count too) come in the mix.
I have been so blessed in my marriage that our “fights” are mostly us crying at each other and apologizing. Two women with a lot of emotions makes it tough to have real discussions. We have gotten better and better through the years and I know it is our mutual respect and loyalty to the other that makes that possible. Both of us are children of divorce so we make it up as we go along a lot of the time.
I also want to point out that “Mary Edith Hinshaw” that he speaks of in his letters also did painting as a hobby and my house has several of her paintings that my grandparents bought from her and then handed down to me. I don’t know if I ever met her but I am blessed to have her art on my walls and her art covers Friend Homes Retirement in Greensboro where my grandparents lived the last of their lives.
I probably have more to say but must get on with other work for the day. Please leave comments on my blog and let me know your interpretations of things or if you knew some of the people they were referring to. My transcription may not be completely accurate either. This is the last of their letters, by the way…
